A Crack In Everything …

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Health, Mary, Uncategorized, Wellness

by Mary Yoke ~

I’ve decided to write about something this time that is rather personal: the physical challenges I’ve faced in my life and my struggles to overcome them. I don’t know if anyone reading this has endured similar difficulties. If so, perhaps my words will help.

I consider myself to be a thriver, even though I’ve had a great number of physical issues. It always has seemed to me I’ve had an unfair amount of suffering and pain. In fact, I spent a large portion of my life feeling sorry for myself as it always seemed no one else has had to endure as much pain and disfigurement as I have. Of course, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that everyone has to go through some pain in life. It just seems as if, for some, those trials don’t show up until much later.

My pain started at age 2, when my parents discovered I had a genetic defect. Odd reddish blots began appearing on my right leg, which eventually were diagnosed as a cavernous hemangioma, or blood tumor. I had my first surgery at age 2, followed by another at age 4, then age 6, and then three more surgeries before I was 21.

At first, my doctors weren’t sure whether the tumor was a malignant cancer, so apparently, for the surgery at age 4, I was prepped for an amputation of my leg. My mother has told me how overjoyed she was when the surgeon appeared in the waiting room after the operation and said they hadn’t had to amputate my leg. However, my leg remained in a full old-fashioned cast for several weeks, and I remained in the hospital.

Sadly, the hospital climate in the 1950s was not what it is today. Parents and visitors were allowed only 30 minutes per day to see their children. That meant I was alone for 23½ hours per day — for several weeks at a time over the course of each of my six surgeries.

Later, in my 40s, I was diagnosed with medical Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as I tried to come to grips with the pain and suffering and feelings of abandonment in my life. Many physicians, nurses and other medical personnel in the 1950s and ‘60s often were cruel, unsympathetic and impatient with the cries and demands of small children.

I had a number of traumatic experiences that involved medical personnel yelling at me, cutting me and telling me I was a baby and should not be crying.

Speaking of being a baby, a different type of scarring occurred in elementary school since I was forced to wear “baby shoes.” In those days, baby shoes were white, lace-up, ankle-high affairs — worn only by babies. I had to wear these shoes all the way through 4th grade. Plus, I had a limp.

I know we’ve all heard about the cruelty of children to each other, and I was a recipient of that meanness all through elementary school. No one wanted to be my friend; I was not invited to any parties. I was cruelly ostracized at recess; after all, I couldn’t play kickball (the most popular game) or any other physical activity enjoyed by my peers. I literally had NO childhood friends.

Luckily for me though, in 7th grade my small country school had to reorganize and become part of a larger school system, so I was bused 15 miles away to a new middle school with all new peers. By this time my limp had more-or-less disappeared, and I was no longer wearing baby shoes, so I was accepted and actually invited to some parties — and a modest social life amazingly evolved!

As I went through adolescence and young adulthood I still had some negative experiences related to my leg: I was never permitted to take gym class, and people pointed and stared at me on the street.

Once, when I had had it with the insensitivity of strangers, a woman in a clothing boutique saw me from across the room and very loudly exclaimed, “OMG, what happened to you?” causing everyone in the store to stare. I gathered the courage to reply loudly, “I was born with a birth defect, okay?”

As an adult I’ve learned to dress in such a way that my leg is always covered (pants, high boots, long skirts, etc.). But naturally, since my leg is seriously disfigured, it always has been a source of embarrassment at the beach and when starting a romantic relationship, and I have to say this aspect still persists today.

Every single day of my life I had woken up in pain (which usually went away after I got up and moving) until recently. Five years ago I had two pulmonary embolisms (potentially fatal blood clots in the lungs) that were determined to have come from my leg. I found a new doctor, who immediately put me on Coumadin, a blood thinner, which dissolved the clots. I now will be on Coumadin for the rest of my life. The good news is that my leg pain is, for the first time in my life, almost entirely gone.

Unfortunately, I have had many other physical challenges aside from my leg. I was in a car accident when I was 21 where my face smashed into the steering wheel (this was before seat belts had shoulder straps). One of my cheekbones and the bone under one eye were broken, so I had to have plastic surgery on my face.

I had a tonsillectomy and then a separate adenoidectomy at ages 27 and 28; these were attempts to help solve the problem of my vocal hoarseness (as I was then a successful young opera singer).

Then I had a number of surgeries around reproductive issues: a C-section at age 38, followed by an ectopic pregnancy at age 40, four miscarriages, and a laparoscopy on my fallopian tubes that did not turn out well (my physician accidentally nicked an artery). This was a very painful time, both psychologically and physically, as I was unable to have the two biological children I wanted.

And, as if that weren’t enough …

In 2005 I was attacked by two dogs, who punctured one of my lungs and took a large bit of flesh out of one side of my torso. In 2007, I had a near-fatal ski accident on the top of a mountain in New York. I crashed into a steel snow-blowing gun and ruptured my spleen. That resulted in a prolonged emergency surgery and a week in intensive care followed by another week in a regular hospital room. Suffice it to say I have many, many scars of all types!

So, what have I learned? Well, this lengthy history and my attempts to deal with it all caused me to seek therapy. Fortunately, I found a wonderful woman in New York who was immensely helpful for more than 10 years. I will be forever grateful to her.

I also found yoga and meditation, and these practices have pulled me through many dark times and helped me have some compassion for myself. In essence, that is the journey: to move from self-hate (I aggressively hated my leg) to self-compassion.

Although I’ve had many major physical issues, on a day-to-day basis I’ve always been robustly healthy — almost never sick in any way. I tell myself I’m never going to have surgery again, but obviously there are unknowns.

Being in my 60s now, I am aware of joint pain and bottom-of-the-foot pain (in both feet) that seem to be rather normal for people my age. However, as a former exercise physiologist and current health behavior academic, I am determined to stay fit for the long run.
My leg has taught me to be resilient. Suffering and pain are transient; there is always a strengthening of the pain, and then a lessening. It almost always passes, and we must let it go.

And it’s important to let go of how you think the world should be. In my case I needed to let go of the idea that life was unfair, that I somehow had gotten a bad deal, and that my body and childhood experiences were not as good as everyone else’s. This caused me to be flooded with self-pity and to feel like a victim for many years.

Is there value in suffering? Well, I think the long view is that it’s important to be compassionate, and my own challenges have helped me be more understanding of the difficulties of others. When we have pain, we have two choices: we can either bemoan our condition (this is where I was stuck), or we can accept it and use it as a vehicle for transformation and personal growth.

I have long loved the following poem by Leonard Cohen:

Ring the bells that still can ring.

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack in everything.

That’s how the light gets in.

What a radical idea — perhaps accepting the brokenness and imperfections of our physical condition, the brokenness of our past experiences — perhaps that is how we can be filled with light and move forward and upward to full thriving.

by Mary Yoke | email | facebook | linkedin





The Case For Gratitude

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Communication, Happiness, Kelly

~ by Kelly Bush ~

Please, sir, I want some more… some more please and thank you, that is.

If there is a buzzword as we transition from 2016 into 2017, I think the case can be made that it is gratitude. For the past few years, discussions about gratitude have infiltrated popular culture. Even the packaging on products such as tea and chocolates exhort us to take a moment and focus on gratitude. Articles proclaim the health benefits of expressing and feeling gratitude, and in recent yoga classes I find my teachers are referencing its role in our well-being more and more.

So if gratitude has become ubiquitous, why then does it seem to remain somewhat elusive in the work environment?

If gratitude helps us thrive in all aspects of our lives – and is even good for our health – then why isn’t it on the rise at work? After all, saying please and thank you to our colleagues costs nothing but a bit of thought and a moment of time. It is essentially free and yet possesses such great value. So why isn’t it being distributed more generously? And what can we do about this?

First, you have to look for it.

Stressed business woman
When I decided a few years ago to change careers, one of the many things that influenced that decision was my frustration with what felt like an almost complete lack of gratitude in my then-profession. There was a pervasive culture of over-work, one-upmanship and unreasonable expectations combined with inadequate reward/recognition that was incongruous with my values and happiness. It left me feeling trod upon and resentful and that is NOT how I thrive.

When employers fail to recognize the value of their employees appreciably – whether in words, with compensation or by giving growth opportunities – they lose talent. Losing talent means losing the resources invested in developing that talent and even if nothing else here resonates, in simple terms it means a hit to the bottom line. If that doesn’t wake people up … well …

While not every role or organization I now pursue will necessarily be a hive of graciousness, I have found that because I now prioritize gratitude, I am better able to find it. For more than a year I recently had the privilege of working for someone who said please and thank you for nearly everything. I knew that when I went the extra mile to achieve a result that my manager saw my efforts and appreciated them because he always said thank you.

When leadership acknowledges your contribution to the organization, it is an incredible motivator to continue to perform at a higher level. It cost him nothing to let me know my work was appreciated, but that had great value to me. (Thank you, Richard.)

So what do I do when gratitude isn’t forthcoming?

A common piece of career advice is to model your hours/style/attire/practices on those of your supervising managers and to look to them as exemplars. If gratitude isn’t a noticeable part of their professional arsenal, and leadership hasn’t incorporated gratitude into their professional practices, then what? I don’t advocate jumping ship straightaway – because gratitude goes both ways – and walking away without a plan isn’t usually commendable. (There can be exceptions.)

Wedding favors
What helps me thrive in these situations is to take back my agency. Because regardless of a manager’s choices, I am free to be gracious and grateful at work. Whether or not other people engage with gratitude, I am always free to do so. That means say please. Say thank you. Say these things when a colleague does something you appreciate or need. Thank your supervisors when they spend an extra minute teaching you something, or give you an opportunity or help expand your skill set.

Literally be the change you wish to see. It may not change how leadership operates, but my experience has been that I feel more satisfaction at work and thrive more professionally when I know I have expressed gratitude to my colleagues. Upholding my own personal code of conduct has little to do with the choices made by others.

Gratitude for the imperfect.

Sometimes it becomes clear that even after bringing your own gratitude to the table and having served it generously, there just isn’t enough to go around. And that may mean that after thoughtful consideration, it is time to look for a new opportunity or to simply leave.

In my experience, this has been a difficult decision and usually involves disappointment, frustration and sometimes, anger. It is at this point that gratitude becomes absolutely necessary. Because whatever the reason for which I chose to part company with an organization, there are things for which I am grateful – and must express gratitude – in order to thrive in my next role.

There are things I learned. There are things I learned to avoid. There are skills I honed and experience on which I expanded. Sometimes learning that something is not right for me is the lesson I take away from something. And while it may not have been pleasant to learn, I find I am grateful for the knowledge afterward.

Happy woman meditating in a beautiful setting.
In finding gratitude for what an experience taught me – however imperfectly – I am able to recognize its value and role in my career. I am better able to see what was positive and when moving forward, to see its merit and integrate it into my own professional arsenal. Because as the many articles, advisors, teachers and gurus have been proclaiming, gratitude is good for us. It has become essential for me to thrive at work (and life).

by Kelly Bush | LinkedIn

Kelly Bush





My Third Act

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Education, Mary, Uncategorized, Wellness

by Mary Yoke ~

It’s hard not to ponder the strange path my life has taken. Both personally and professionally, I’ve had so many unexpected twists and turns. Career-wise, I’ve definitely had what can be divided into at least three acts — something I would have never imagined in my 20s, 40s or even in my 50s. And who knows? Maybe there are more acts to come. Life, for me, has been so unpredictable.

In my 20s, I thought I had it all mapped out. I was certain I was destined to be a famous opera singer. Every indication led directly to that conclusion.

I earned a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree in voice performance, won every vocal contest I entered, and won two large cash prizes at the culmination of the San Francisco Opera’s Merola Program in 1978.

Me singing Mimi in La Boheme at an outside performance in San Francisco, 1978.
Singing Mimi in La Boheme at an outside performance in San Francisco, 1978.

Famous impressarios, conductors, voice teachers and opera coaches all were convinced I had a magnificent career ahead of me. I lived — diva-like — for music and art. This was Act One, and, like any act in a theatrical play, it came to an end — and an unfortunate end at that.

Suddenly, in my late 20s, I was beset with unexplained hoarseness. I tried everything: a month of complete vocal silence; 100 shots in my back to see if I had allergies; and a tonsillectomy, which was followed a year later with an adenoidectomy. I changed voice teachers and voice coaches; I moved to different climates. I studied the Alexander Technique. When experts said it must be psychosomatic, I entered therapy. All to no avail.

During the subsequent and devastating entr’acte, I unhappily supported myself with a number of different jobs: waitress, bartender, line cook, pastry chef, legal aide, bookkeeper, receptionist in a large car dealership, salesperson in music and clothing stores, and as a church organist.

Eventually, I chanced into the world of fitness. And so the Second Act began.

Luckily, after teaching group exercise for a couple of years (back then, we called it aerobics), I met an influential person who recommended I return to school for a Master’s degree in exercise physiology, which I achieved in 1988.

Fitness has been good to me. Not only were jobs available, but I was able fairly easily to juggle the demands of new motherhood and maintain a flexible and accommodating work schedule. Plus, a great side benefit of a career in fitness is that staying in shape is actually part of the job.

I worked first in cardiac rehab and as a physical therapist assistant, then in corporate fitness, and then in commercial fitness, all the while teaching one academic class per semester as an adjunct professor.

In 1986 I became involved with a major international fitness certifying organization, and for 30 years this company has provided me with amazing opportunities for teaching, writing, and traveling around the world to present a wide variety of fitness workshops and certifications.

I’ve also presented at hundreds of conferences and have made several online videos on a Hollywood sound stage. I’ve been so very fortunate and I’m tremendously grateful to all those who’ve helped me and inspired me. The fitness world is full of people who motivate others for a living — they’re an enthusiastic and passionate bunch!

The bizarre thing is, I never could have predicted this entire career back in my 20s. Who’d have thought I’d become a fitness presenter, educator and writer? This was SO not on my radar during Act One!

Teaching at Indiana University.
Teaching at Indiana University.

And now, surprise!, I’m in Act Three. My fitness credentials helped me land a Visiting Lecturer position in kinesiology at Indiana University. I entered academia full-time and found that I loved it.

After decades of cobbling together a full-time income from multiple fitness jobs, I’ve now decided it’s good to stay more-or-less in one place and have some job security. I’ve found that I love developing longer-term relationships with students over the course of several semesters. I am inspired by my students, other faculty, and partners within the community. I love the vitality of a college town, the vibrant action on campus, the idealism and questing of students, and the golden bubble of learning, which is the academic world.

I have a strong sense that this is where I now belong. When the Visiting Lecturer position ended, I found I was finally at a point in my life where a PhD could become a reality, and so I’ve moved into health behavior research and will receive my doctorate by the end of 2016.

I hope to stay in academia, do research, inspire students, collaborate with inspiring colleagues, and continue with my writing and presenting. I am filled with purpose and feel as if I’m on fire!

Seriously, every single day is exciting and amazing for me. I’m being challenged in new ways I couldn’t have imagined ten years ago. Even though I’m at the age where some of my friends are already retiring, I feel as if I’m just getting started on a new and amazing path.

Retirement for me? No way! I have zero interest in retirement — I feel as if I’m good to go for another 20 or even 30 years. There’s so much I want to learn and accomplish.

I guess the reason I felt compelled to write this post is that I am continually surprised at my own career path (and don’t get me started on all the personal life changes I’ve experienced) and I’d like to put forward the idea that this is possible for others.

I’ve come to believe that, in fact, we can have multiple careers within one lifetime. Perhaps this can be an important way to stay vital, energetic, curious and productive. If you’re floundering in uncertainty or in a dead-end job, take heart that life can hold something better for you that may be beyond imagining.

In my own case, I can assure you that my unorthodox and unexpected journey has nevertheless caused me to thrive in ways I could have never foreseen. Who knows what lies ahead?

by Mary Yoke | email | facebook | linkedin

Mary's photo






The Motivation to Move

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Mary, Wellness

By motivation to move, I’m not talking about moving to another place of residence. I’m talking about move as in moving your body! As in physical activity. Or, for those of you so inclined, exercise.

Last week, Maria and I had a stimulating discussion about moving and not moving. What is the secret to being motivated to be physically active on a regular basis? Do you have the answer? If so, I’d like to hear about it. Seriously.

Cover shot of one of my wellness videos — me working out in 2004.

The motivation to move conundrum is really the key thing I’m interested in researching for my doctorate, and in my subsequent career in academia.

Of course, I’m sure all of you can list the reasons WHY it’s good for us to do regular physical activity. And I imagine that most of you even know the “rules” for what to do in order to be healthy, and in order to be fit. Quick, cover the paragraph below — and name five benefits of regular physical activity! Got it?

Actually, there are dozens and dozens of benefits that have been scientifically proven. Here are a few:

  • Reduces the risk of heart disease (our nation’s #1 killer)
  • Reduces the risk of many cancers
  • Reduces the risk of type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, many musculoskeletal problems, and depression and anxiety.
  • Increases the ability of your immune system to ward off colds, flu and the like.
  • You’ll have better sleep.
  • Improves your brain function — you’ll think more clearly after a good workout. Etc.
  • But the real plus is that life is simply easier when you’re reasonably fit.
Taking off for a 4-day hike on the Appalachian Trail in CT in 1992 (with my 5-month old son!).

It’s easier to walk a brisk mile to the bus stop. It’s easier to carry out the trash and put your suitcase in the overhead compartment on an airplane. It’s easier to get out of a chair and go up the stairs. You can do more work or exertion with less effort.

It just doesn’t feel as hard to do everyday activities, so the payoff is that you have much more energy and stamina. You feel better! You like yourself better! You are much more likely to thrive!! Sold? Well, maybe. You may have already known all this, but that still isn’t enough to get you to commit to daily activity. Hmmm.

How about the rules or recommendations for physical activity? What are you supposed to do to get all these benefits? The US government (actually the Centers for Disease Control) has published recommendations for all Americans to know and follow. Can you state these guidelines?

Well, the main thing is to accumulate at least 150 minutes per week of moderate-to-vigorous exercise. How does that actually play out? You could do 30 minutes per day, five times per week, for example. Daily movement is better than 150 minutes all on one day.

And what feels like moderate-intensity movement to you? We are all different, so the best thing is to listen to your body and ask yourself: Does this activity feel easy? Does this activity feel moderate? Or does this activity feel hard? Moderate (or, actually, easy) is best if you’re just starting out. It’s less likely to make you sore, and it’s less likely to make you discouraged and quit.

So, are you motivated yet? Well, if you’re like a majority of Americans, probably not. We have a real public health problem of physical inactivity in this country. Millions of people would be healthier, happier and have lower medical costs if they’d just move more. What to do? (Again, if you have the answer to motivating those who are inactive, I’d like to know!)

As I’ve written previously, I’m working on my doctoral dissertation in health behavior. The main behavioral theory I’m modeling my work on posits that people are motivated to do a behavior if it’s fun, popular and easy. (Actually, the specific language used is much more obtuse and theoretical, so I’ve watered it down a bit).

Hiking in Rio de Janeiro in 2002.

When you think about being physically active, are you thinking about something that’s fun? That makes you feel good? Is the activity something that others around you also do, or something you can share with like-minded people? Does the activity feel socially acceptable within your crowd of friends and family? And, do you know what to do?

Perhaps in order to make it “easy,” you need a trainer or a skilled person to get you started. The activity also needs to be doable, convenient and affordable for you. If it isn’t, then you probably won’t stick with it.

So, what comes to mind for you? Water Zumba class? Gentle yoga? Walking the dog outdoors in a beautiful park? Weightlifting with a friend? Frisbee with your significant other? It’s great to have a couple of different activities that you really enjoy; that way, if one of them isn’t available, you always have a backup plan.

Over the years, I’ve taught just about every type of group exercise: step, slide, kickboxing, hi/low impact, stationary indoor cycling, mini-trampoline, water aerobics, Pilates, yoga, bootcamp, etc. For two years, I even taught a jump and pump class, which entailed three minutes of crazy jump rope moves, followed by three minutes of weights, repeat, repeat, etc.

I was also a fairly serious recreational runner. Now, I’m 62 and have to watch excessive joint stress. No more running or jumping for me. So, in case you’re interested, here’s what I generally do: 13,000+ steps per day, every day (that’s about 6 miles of walking).

I wear a Fitbit so I’m able to keep track of my steps. I lift weights for 30-40 minutes twice per week. I teach gentle yoga 2-3 times per week and do a 20-minute yoga routine at home on two or three of the days when I’m not teaching.

Deepwater running with a flotation belt (head stays dry!)

Right now, it’s summer time and hot in Indiana, so I really enjoy doing deep-water exercise in the pool (I’m a terrible swimmer, so I wear a flotation belt to keep me vertical). The pool is great for allowing me to exercise intensely without any joint stress or noticeable perspiration — and I love it!! During the fall and spring semesters I teach a group exercise class (the format varies throughout the semester) twice a week to about 50 freshmen.

Are there days when I have to push myself to move? Um, sometimes, but not often. Fitness has been a big part of my life for 35 or so years, so I have a well-established habit. I’m used to feeling great physically, and I don’t want that to stop.

I also constantly remind myself of the immediate benefits (like abundant energy, increased productivity and clearer thinking), and I definitely choose activities that I really like, that feel good, that light me up and that help me thrive. How about you?

Let’s start a conversation and solve the motivation conundrum together!!! Please let me know if you were previously a couch potato and are now a motivated mover — how did you do it?

by Mary Yoke | email | facebook | linkedin

Mary's photo







Embracing My Ruby Slipper Syndrome

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Happiness, Olivia, Public Relations

When I was in second grade I made my acting debut as a munchkin in the Wizard of Oz. I used to watch the movie all of the time when I younger. I especially loved the end when Judy Garland’s Dorothy finally made it home and realized she had been having lucid dreams.

 I’m in the bottom right with the other Lullaby League girls. I distinctly remember singing Happy Birthday for my audition piece.
I’m in the bottom right with the other Lullaby League girls. I distinctly remember singing Happy Birthday for my audition piece.

As the years went by and my focus shifted away from musical theater and onto school, the Wizard of Oz drifted from my radar.

That is, until the other day, when I learned about the Ruby Slipper Syndrome in Kivi Leroux Miller’s Nonprofit Marketing Guide email newsletter.

You can’t see it, but we sprayed an unbelievable amount of glitter on our hair and bodies. I’m pretty sure I sparkled in the sun for three years after the final curtain call.
You can’t see it, but we sprayed an unbelievable amount of glitter on our hair and bodies. I’m pretty sure I sparkled in the sun for three years after the final curtain call.

The premise is that you seek out what you think you want in life, only to realize you actually want what you’ve had all along. So basically, you’re Dorothy trying to get away from your family and the evil woman who wants to take your dog, only to realize “there’s no place like home.”

Ruby Slipper Syndrome is not to be confused with fearing change. I full heartedly embrace change and strongly encourage you to as well. It will make your life substantially easier, I promise.

Ruby Slipper Syndrome focuses more on realizing you already have what you need in life to be happy. Not that you’re pursuing something because it’s easier and less scary.

To some degree, this is my life in a nutshell. Minus the wicked woman, a dog that bites and all of the lucid dreams.

I started college dead set on being a sports broadcaster. I was going to be the next Erin Andrews or Sage Steele. I had everything going for me and no reason not to follow through.

Me at the 2012 Super Bowl Media Day interviewing Giants punter, Steve Weatherford, who happens to be one of my best friend’s cousins.
Me at the 2012 Super Bowl Media Day interviewing Giants punter, Steve Weatherford, who happens to be one of my best friend’s cousins.

Until I started learning more about the career. I was told by countless professional women in the field I would have to give up my job, my family, my friends, holidays, weekends, and basically everything I’ve ever cared about.

As I became more immersed, I realized they were right. It forced to step back during my sophomore year of college and think about what I valued most.

I grew up in a close-knit family. My entire immediate family – grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins – live within 30 minutes of my childhood home. My parents worked from 8-5 on the weekdays and half day on Saturday so I always knew I would see them on the weekends. Fishing trips with dad, shopping with mom, watching musicals with my grandparents, and volunteering with my aunt filled my childhood days.

How could I not have had a phenomenal childhood? I had a Barbie comforter for Pete’s sake!
How could I not have had a phenomenal childhood? I had a Barbie comforter for Pete’s sake!

And I loved every minute of it. I’m extremely grateful I had all of those opportunities, because I know most people don’t.

For four years I dreamed of being a sports broadcaster and was so close to actually doing it. I loved sports, writing and acting. It was the perfect combination of all three. But what good would that be if I didn’t have friends or family to come home to every night and share in my success?

In the months leading up to my junior year, I decided to make a career change. I switched to public relations. I knew the lifestyle would be more conducive to my building the life I actually wanted for my future children, which closely mirrors my own childhood.

Now I have an 8-5 job, the weekends off, plenty of friends, a beautiful cat and dog, a fantastic boyfriend and a great relationship with my family, who is only an hour away.

So am I victim of Ruby Slipper Syndrome? Yes, but I’m okay with that because I’m doing what I want to in life.

And doing what you want and surrounding yourself with caring people who love you is how you will thrive in your career, relationships and life.

by Olivia Humphreys | email | LinkedIn | Twitter











A Doctoral Candidate Meeting

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Education, Mary, Wellness

So today I had a meeting with the chairperson of my dissertation committee. This person has guided me for the past 2½ years, and boy, am I glad. When pursuing a doctorate, I’ve learned that your chairperson (aka your advisor) is key.

It’s really important to select someone with whom you get along, someone knowledgeable and experienced, someone with a little pull in the department, and someone who is willing to spend a lot of time with you. Finding such a person isn’t always easy, and it’s partly a matter of luck. Well, I got lucky.

My advisor is known to be tough and rather difficult; she delights in asking you hard questions. She is a challenging and rigorous thinker, and expects you to be the same. We’ve had one meeting (last summer) where I was brought to tears—tears of frustration and — okay, I’ll say it — humiliation. Our average meeting lasts between two and three hours, during which she doesn’t let up.

Sometimes my head swims and I think I just can’t concentrate anymore — but then I do. She has taught me so much, not only about health behavior, but about how to be a role model and mentor in this field. I’m not done with my PhD yet, but I am very grateful to her and to the process which I’ve been so lucky to experience.

I chose the field of health behavior for my PhD because I’m SO interested in what motivates people. Why, with all the unequivocal scientific evidence and public health messaging in our faces, do some people still smoke?

 Laptop And Smoking Cigarettes
Despite all the evidence of the negative health impacts of smoking, according to WHO, 1 billion people worldwide smoke cigarettes.

Why do so many people choose to remain sedentary and inactive? More importantly, HOW can people be motivated to adopt healthier behaviors? What is the magic formula for touching people deeply and helping them to increase their intention to change for the better?

After 30+ years in fitness, I’ve come to realize that most of the fitness industry is missing the boat. Anyone can see that is true just by looking at the statistics on obesity and sedentariness in the US and around the world.

A vastly increasing majority of people are not making healthy choices, and are choosing to sit at work and sit some more at home. These same people are not joining fitness facilities, nor are they paying attention to all the recommendations for physical activity. Why is that?

Well, I will stop before I really get on my soapbox, but at this point in my life I feel it’s much more important to learn about behavior change than to continue with exercise science. What good is it to constantly preach about what to do, if no one is actually going to do it? Instead of focusing on the what, I’m interested in the whys and the hows of behavior change.
So back to today’s meeting. We got into the nitty gritty of my follow-up survey, which, like the initial survey, will be delivered online to about 195 participants. As an example of our discussion, she and I immersed ourselves in debate about whether I’m measuring regular physical activity or total physical activity in my survey. It turns out that there is a difference between these two concepts! Duh.

I hadn’t clarified this distinction in my mind. Being clear about what I’m measuring is critical when writing the survey questions. I’ve also learned that it all goes back to the main research questions — what am I trying to find out? What is the overall purpose of the study? Why do people do what they do, and how can they increase their intention to make healthier choices?

Another personal issue related to making progress on my dissertation: I’ve been accused of being a knowledge junkie. Example: once, when I was serving on an international fitness certification committee that was writing and evaluating test questions, a fellow committee member joked that my last name (Yoke) stood for You Oughta Know Everything!

This joke was in response to my continued (and undoubtedly annoying) insistence that we had to keep a large number of test questions on the exam — fitness instructors needed to know the answers to all of them! I was not in favor of eliminating anything!

The idea of having to know everything is not necessarily a good quality when trying to focus on a specific research agenda. For me, a big lesson is to keep a narrow, precise and steady focus — particularly if I want to finish in a timely manner. Fortunately, my advisor keeps reminding me to rein myself in. If she didn’t, I’d keep coming up with more and more questions that need answers.

Most of the fitness world is missing the boat.
A vastly increasing majority of people are not making healthy choices, and are choosing to sit at work and sit some more at home.

Suggestions. If any readers of this blog are students, and particularly graduate students, do take the time to ask about various faculty members in your department. When you’re trying to decide on your advisor/mentor/chairperson, it’s a good idea to schedule meetings with a few different individuals. That way you can get a sense of whether or not you click.

You also will want to have some idea about your course of study. What are you interested in? If you’re thinking of a doctorate, then what might your research agenda be? If you’re in the social sciences, are you interested in studying a specific group of people? Who, or what, is the target of your interest? You will want to find a faculty member with similar interests to your own, and who, ideally, has already done research in your chosen area.

OK, I know today’s post is all about being a doctoral candidate. If you’re not a student (and even if you are), stay tuned for a wide variety of juicy topics coming up! Meanwhile, let’s go forth and THRIVE! There’s so very much to learn! 🙂

by Mary Yoke | email | facebook | linkedin

Mary's photo



I Don’t Know. But I Will Find Out.

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Art, Career, Career Change, Kelly

Once upon a time, I thought I had to know the answer. To any question. To everything about which I was asked. If I couldn’t answer a question definitively, I felt like it meant I was behind and that I had somehow failed to know what I should know. That it meant I was letting the askers down and that they would judge me negatively. I think a lot of people believe this, and in particular, I think many new graduates feel this pressure keenly.

Today, I know this is not the case. (And that sometimes, the askers even intend for you to feel this way!) I also know that this does not have to be how the story ends. You can rewrite the ending — maybe even more than once. Careers, interests and lives are not necessarily linear, and if I have learned anything in the decade+ since I began my career, it is that it is perfectly okay not to know the answer as long as you are willing to work toward finding it. Because therein lies the key — I don’t know the answer. But I will find out. These are some of the most powerful words in my professional — and personal — arsenal.

How linear is YOUR path?
How linear is YOUR path?

There are many instances in which I have encountered this concept over the years, and I can apply it to multiple facets of my career and life. For now, I’d like to look at this concept in terms of choosing a profession. What do I want to be when I grow up? Some people know from the get-go. Some people hem and haw. Some people have no clue. But at 18-19 years of age, we choose a major.

Because at 18-19 years of age we should know what to study to get the right job.

At 21-22 years of age, we graduate with our undergraduate degree — which may or may not be in the subject we originally chose because it may have already become evident that there were things we did not know about ourselves. Having graduated, we then go get a job in the profession for which we are trained.

Because at 21-22 years of age, we should know what kind of job will satisfy and vitalize us.

Then — having chosen a career, we are identified with and by it. When we meet new people, we do the social dance: Where are you from? Where did you go to school? What do you do?

Because our profession/career should now define us.

Hmm… Noticing a pattern here? There is a lot of should going around. And there does not have to be.

The first two years after I completed my bachelor’s degree, I had jobs. I didn’t view them as a career. They were professional roles for which I was qualified and which had benefits and a paycheck attached. I learned some things. I had one good manager who taught me a great deal. (Thank you, Jeff.) I was still figuring out what I wanted so it didn’t bother me much that I wasn’t settled into a specific career path. I was working and that worked for me. But this is not thriving.

Then I took my first job in what became a decade-long career. My Political Science degree got me an entry-level paralegal position at a very good law firm. I was patted on the back and congratulated for choosing this career path. It was stable. I learned the role, sought additional education, climbed the ranks and ultimately ended up as a Legal Analyst at a top-tier company. I succeeded, right? This is IT. I should be really happy.

And I was anything but. I still was not thriving! I was bored, stressed and while good at what I did, it brought me no personal satisfaction. None.at.all. What was wrong with me? I had succeeded in building for myself a stable career in a respectable profession. And I was not happy. Worse yet, I could not answer questions about what more it would take to make me happy. (More money? A better boss? Better work/life balance?) I did not know the answer and when asked, felt like I should know how to fix this.

So I explored. I thought about it. I didn’t make any rash moves — there was no dramatic quitting of my job and then eating ice cream in front of the TV while I faux soul-searched. But if I didn’t know the answer, I needed to find it out. And that meant I went looking. I read. I talked to friends and colleagues whose opinions I valued. I was honest with myself about what I valued, what I wanted and what I no longer wanted.

I began to see that those things which I identified as ‘success’ 10 years earlier no longer aligned with my values. I honored those things that had value to me and sorted out how to give them a more prominent role in my career. And yes, I sought out more education so I that I was qualified to do what made me happy.

Four Freedoms Park - Jan 2015.2
Thriving in NYC, Four Freedoms Park.

The result:
A career change at 33 years of age and no sense of guilt for having done it. Because it isn’t a mark of failure to recognize that you didn’t know something. I did not know at 22 years of age that I would love working in the art world. I had no exposure to this field and had no way of knowing that what I thought would make me happy was not the right fit. But when I began to know what I didn’t know, I went looking for the answer. Not knowing was not failing. Not finding out would have been failure. And through my education and experience I had come to see that clearly.

So what’s next now that I took the leap and landed (happily) in a new profession? I don’t know. But I will find out. And that means I am thriving.

by Kelly Bush | LinkedIn

Kelly Bush





The Ten New Resume Rules You Need To Know Now

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in Career, Career Change, Maria, Resume, Success

In the quest for attention, to provoke discussion or maybe because he or she hopes it’s the case, every now and again some innocuous troll will declare, “The resume is dead!!” Well yes, the old-fashioned, boring and bland version that itemized your professional past indeed has been bumped off. However, the resume that tells your story, accentuates your value and highlights your personal brand is alive and kicking open the doors of opportunity.

Long gone are the days of the traditional, 12-point, serif-fonted, duty-driven confessionaries that featured generic, me-centric Objectives Statements; painful minutia about past employers; less than stellar GPAs; and contact information for three pre-ordained references. Thankfully, the dawn of a new resume day has arrived, and it’s about to be your new best friend.

Here are the 10 new rules you need to know for a cutting-edge resume that will help you stand out from the hoards of fellow applicants, showcase your specific strengths, and land a lot more interviews so you can snag the job you really want. And it will help you thrive.

Rule 1: Your Resume Needs To Be Your BFF.

Today’s resume is your best friend forever because it likes you a lot! That means it doesn’t talk about anything that showcases or even hints at your shortcomings. Instead, it’s a powerful marketing tool that explains why YOU are THE perfect person for the job of your dreams. Or at least the job you are applying for at that moment. The resume for the job you apply for a half hour later might look a little different.

Rule 2: Know Your Audience.

If you are in a creative and edgy field such as public relations, arts management or fashion, your resume needs to look clean and modern with plenty of white space, an eye-catching but not gimmicky design, and with an accent of color, and a few tasteful social media icons or other graphics. If you’re an accountant or academic, the more standard look is probably still the more palatable. Do your research so you understand the culture of the field and of the specific workplace before your finalize and submit your resume.

Rule 3: You Must Tailor It, Always.

As I hinted in Rule 1, you can and must tailor each resume to the specific opportunity. That doesn’t mean every section is a do-over, but it does mean you can control exactly which information, skills, strengths and accomplishments you most want to highlight for the precise skills, values and experience sought in the actual description of the position for which you’re applying. Align away.

Rule 4: Liven Up Your Contact Information.

In this section include your name, cell, professional-sounding email address, LinkedIn profile link, and any other pertinent social media links and your personal website, if you have one. Make the email and links live. Include your city and state if you like; no street address please; stalkers and identity thieves took the fun out of that.

Rule 5: Power Up Your Personal Statement.

Say a terse goodbye to the “To gain a job in my field” Objective Statement and say a warm hello to the Personal (Branding) Statement. This is a power-packed sentence or two that conveys your particular value, strengths and personal brand. To help you write this, pretend a hiring manager has only what you write here to go by — what specific strengths, skills, personal values and value to the organization will you bring that are unique to you? Be sure you review this statement for each job you apply to, and tweak as needed.

Rule 6: Call Out Your Strengths.

Feature your top 8-12 skills that best match the position to which you are applying (and which you generally enjoy doing). If it makes sense to organize them in categories such as Leadership Skills, Soft Skills, Software Skills, etc., then do so. You’ll seem some people include that lovely self-rating skills bar chart; why proactively admit you’re not amazing at something?

Rule 7: Make Your Experience Relatable.

Your Experience section should highlight relevant jobs (and internships if you’re a college student or recent grad), your title, and your key measurable, accomplishments at each. If a position doesn’t seem pertinent to the job you are applying for, look at the transferable skills you were able to develop that may be incredibly useful to your desired line of work. Your potential new bosses want to see how what you have done in the past will help you help them now and into the future.

Rule 8: Place Your Education Strategically.

Unless your academic experience was extraordinary and very fresh, for most fields* this section need not be near the top of your resume as it has been in the past. You no doubt studied your butt off for at least four years, but this info can wait until we hear about your strengths, and perhaps even before your relevant experience. Do not list your GPA unless it is outstanding. Do not list your graduation years unless really recent, if at all. *If you know that success in your line of work is heavily dependent on certain all cap letters proudly trailing your name, you may wish to keep this info near the top.

Rule 9: Showcase Your Awards/Publications/Civic Engagement.

Here’s a section where you really can be creative in terms of title, structure and content. Depending on what fits you best, this is sort of a catch-all for any awards, publications, civic engagement or clubs with which you are involved. If there are a lot of each, break them into the appropriate categories. For organizations and clubs, absolutely include your contributions and accomplishments so it doesn’t seem like you just sat in meetings like a lump.

Rule 10. Keep It Reel Real.

Always remember to tell the truth, never exaggerate, and check and recheck spelling, spacing, grammar, consistency and punctuation until you no longer can see straight (or better yet, have a skilled proofreader do that for you!).

The bottom line is that your resume should serve as a marketing tool, calling out your special talents, experiences and qualities and highlighting what’s so very special about you and why you are the person this organization needs to add value and solve their problems.

Today’s resume has new rules, and by making them work to your very best advantage, they will help you thrive. You’re in charge, and you’re about to shine.

For more tips or assistance creating your new, very much alive, vibrant and powerful resume, visit my coaching site, coachthrive.us.

by Maria Katrien Heslin | website | email | Twitter | LinkedIn